U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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