meet me or not, i'm out of control
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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