He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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