he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
