bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
