My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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