how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
