I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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