I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
