remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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