There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
