Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
