not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
