What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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