Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
