eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
