Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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