Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
