Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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