I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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