I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
