She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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