Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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