I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
