well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
