if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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