Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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