People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
