the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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