Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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