Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
