Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
