Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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