the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
