Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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