A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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