all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
