wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
