You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
