Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
