Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
