Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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