he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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