In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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