My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
