Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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