the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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