I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
