I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
