I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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