remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
