i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
