you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
