I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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