Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
