i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
