There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
