dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
