the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
