I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
