Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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