so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
