I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
